What the front-end applicant wanted

Hey, we know you, we follow you on Twitter and you’re a funny dude/tte with balling front-end skills. Applications are so boring and we don’t want to read them any more than you want to fill them out so join our Slack chat and get to know our team let’s see how we like you as a person. Oh, and if we decide not to hire you, we’ll be super honest about why so that you can learn and grow in your field, because we value our industry and our role in it as a support and mentoring system.

What the front-end applicant expected

Tell us why you’re interested in this job. Don’t be afraid to say, “Because you’re hiring!”; we understand that you probably came here from a job posting board and we want to give everyone the opportunity to work at our company, even if they weren’t familiar with us when they applied. Also tell us what you want out of your career. Don’t be afraid to say you eventually want to work at Google just because you want to work here. We understand that life is about change.

What the front-end applicant got

Tell us in 49-232 characters why you would be a good fit for our company. Be sure to use words and phrases you find in the 5 minutes browsing our company website and manifesto, because the robots we have screening the applications like buzzwords and we can’t expect you to stick around longer than that. After that be sure that you have a portfolio on Behance, even if you maintain an updated portfolio somewhere else. Individuality means everyone using the same tools. An active Dribbble profile automatically moves an application to the 2nd round of reviews, where an actual human sees it, so don’t even waste your time if you don’t have one. Also tell us an arbitrary fact about yourself to prove you were reading, even though we have a program to automatically reject or approve applications and this question is irrelevant to them.